Funny personal profiles on an Indian matrimonial site...

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a
profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...

---

Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya, I am single i dont have male, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
(Truly yours)

---

I want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?)

---

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than I. Because I love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on........ hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

---

I am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my lucknowi am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

---

I want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast (by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)

---

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH. I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY. THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})

---

Whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp.

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants. Infact she doesn't know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?

---

I love my patner I marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")

---

I am pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & mother sister completely married

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)

---

My name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(heights of desperation!)

---

I am kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

---

Hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily. i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ....

---

I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.
(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color)

Sikhs Strike Back - Intelligently!!!

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy
Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.So the Pope made a deal
He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community
If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate.
To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.
Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.
Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.
He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.
Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.
He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.
Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.
He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.
He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here.
I told him not one of us was leaving.
Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.
I let him know that we were staying right here."
"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.
"I don't know", said Harbinder,
"He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!

Balle Balle... Hats off to my Sikh brothers and their sisters...

Unbelievable yet True - Awesome Haircut...

The world is increasingly adapting fashion...

Fashion itself has changed its face from being different to being innovatively different and crazy...

So why stereotypical haircuts should lie behind... Check out the following haircut and tell me what do you think about it...

Complex problems solved Simply...

Think Simple to Solve Complex Problems

1. When NASA began launching astronauts into space, they found out that the astronauts' pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (ink wouldn't flow down to the writing surface). It took them one decade and $12 million to solve this problem. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on practically any surface including crystal, and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

And what did the Russians do? The Russians used a pencil.

2. One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management techniques was the case of the empty soap box, which occurred in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line, to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount of time and money to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into the complications of X-rays, etc. but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

3. A 50 feet long trailer having 48" wheels got stuck while entering a midtown tunnel in New York because it was approximately 2.5 feet taller than the height of the tunnel. The fire department and the state department of transportation spent the whole day searching for a solution, to no avail.

Then a child, aged about 9 years, asked his father, "Why can't they take out the air from the tyre tubes? The height will automatically come down.

Don't copy if you can't paste!

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.

Speaker: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.

The speaker added after a few seconds: "And that woman was my mother!"

Laughter and applause from the audience........

A week later, a top manager who was present in the above audience, tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

His wife went mad with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "....... and I can't remember who she was!!"

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

A good wife can bring balance to your life

Don't believe me???

Check following picture and look carefully at the bottom right corner! :)

Some of the cool jokes...

Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures you continue to do so.
*******************************************************************
Q. How can Santa Singh Kill a Lion?
A. Santa Singh thinks and thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison and let lion eat me.
*******************************************************************
Q. A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married... Guess what they named them.
A. Jo Hua, So Hua.
*******************************************************************
Wife: Honey, What are you looking for?
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: Nothing?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour...??
Husband: I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
*******************************************************************
Santa Singh: O Banno Car ki speed itani kyon badha di..?
Biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Accident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.
*******************************************************************
Santa Singh: Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
*******************************************************************
Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher: How?
Student: Ladies first.
*******************************************************************
Man before Marriage I like Airtel.... "Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"After Marriage He's Like Hutch... "Where ever U Go Our Network Follows."
*******************************************************************
Santa Singh: That Cow is a Lovely Colour.
Farmer: Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa Singh: Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
*******************************************************************
2 Dost Suicide karne gaye, Pahala: "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari nafrat de Pareshani de Dukh de!"
Dusra dost: "Abe tu maut maang raha hai ki Reliance me Job maang raha hai."

Innovative way of how to break news!!

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo your country house caretaker" "Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?"

"That's the one."

"Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?"

"From eating rotten meat."

"Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?"

"Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."

"Dead horse? What dead horse Mr. Arnaldo?"

"Why, those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the ! water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire."

"What the.....!!! But theres electricity at the house!!!!

What was the candle for???"

"For the funeral."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!"

"Your mother's! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I shot her."

Do you know who is Popeye's Mother?

I am sure all of us have liked the POPEYE - the awesome sailor!!!
We have seen his girlfriend and his kids... and the villain as well!!
However, do you know who his mother is, and how does she look like?

NO??? Well ----- scroll down to find out how she looks like....!!!

Any Comments???

India Shining in the US - Hall of Shame!!!

On Monday, the Indian government itself consecrated the oft-circulated fiction as fact in Parliament, possibly laying itself open to a breach of privilege. By relaying to Rajya Sabha members, a host of unsubstantiated and inflated figures about Indian professionals in US, the government also made a laughing stock of itself.

The figures provided by the Minister of State for Human Resource Development, Purandeshwari, included claims that 38 per cent of doctors in US are Indians, as are 36 per cent of NASA scientists and 34 per cent of Microsoft employees.

There is no survey that establishes these numbers, and absent a government clarification, it appears that the figures come from a shop-worn Internet chain mail that has been in circulation for many years. Attempts by this correspondent over the years to authenticate the figures have shown that it is exaggerated, and even false. Both Microsoft and NASA say they don't keep an ethnic headcount. While they acknowledge that a large number of their employees are of Indian origin, it is hardly in the 30-35 per cent range.

Some of the popular myths…

• In a 2003 interview with this correspondent, Microsoft chief Bill Gates guessed that the number of Indians in the engineering sections of the company was perhaps in the region of 20 per cent, but he thought the overall figure was not true.
• NASA workers say the number of Indians in the organization is in the region of 4-5 per cent, but the 36 per cent figure is pure fiction.
• The number of physicians of Indian-origin in the US is a little easier to estimate. The Association of American Physicians of Indian Origin (AAPI) has 42,000 members, in addition to around 15,000 medical students and residents.
• There were an estimated 850,000 doctors in the US in 2004. So, conflating the figures, no more than ten per cent of the physicians in US maybe of Indian-origin – and that includes Indian-Americans – assuming not everyone is registered with AAPI.

These numbers in themselves are remarkable considering Indians constitute less than one per cent of the US population. But in its enthusiasm to spin the image of the successful global Indian to its advantage, the government appears to have milked a long-discredited spam - an effort seen by some readers as the work of a lazy bureaucrat and an inept minister.

"This minister (D. Purandeshwari) should be held accountable for misleading the members of parliament and the citizens of India. This just shows how illiterate and mentally defunct the current Indian govt. is," wrote Anand from Melbourne. Purandeshwari is not the first minister to use the dubious figures in a system where politicians depend heavily on their bureaucrats to furnish facts, figures, and speeches. Former home minister L.K.Advani used the same figures in a speech some years back on a visit to Washington DC.

Source: The Times of India report on Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Three Cool Wishes...

Some time in our life, all of us must have wished...
We wish that something good happen to us / our beloved...
We wish we would be successful in our ventures & life in general...

What do you think about the following 3 wishes? Ain't they coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool??

Please COMMENT... :)

How to maintain privacy while using computer @ office?

Do you want your manager NOT to see your personal mails or orkut or any other site?
Do you want to keep your Internet usage private from the prying eyes of your manager or colleagues??

You thought this is not possible, right?

WRONG!!! It is possible now... New technology has made it very simple & effeective! Check out the following image as a demonstration of my claims... :)

Innovative Wedding Invitation...

Many of you must have seen wedding invitations... Some of them are routine, dull, and boring. While some are really creative and expensive.

However, here is a very very innovative, creative, magnificent and excellent example of creativity... Check this wedding invitation - go line by line...

Very funny story of hat-seller & monkeys (modern version)

It's an old story that we read in Class 3 but with a new ending. I trust you will like it.

A haryanavi (i.e. Sardarji) hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone.

He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. The jaat sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Sukhwinder, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.

He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He remembered his grandfather’s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Sukhwinder threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said ........................

Guess What????????

.................................................

..........................................

...................................

..............................

........................

....................

..................

........

......

"Do you think only you have a grandfather?"

Hillarious Letters from Gujratis to Leicester Council, UK

These are extracts from actual letters sent to Leicester Council and Housing Associations, U.K., written by Gujaratis:

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and not fit to drink.
10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00 am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

Software Testing / Quality Assurance at its best!

You must have known that the breed of Software Testers / Quality Assurance Engineers is the one which always doubts everything, applies maths to everything, and believe that everything that does not follow specifications is a bug!!!

Find below some of these emotions expressed in the form of cartoons...

Some of the most weirdest creations (Part 1)...

You must have seen a lot of creations... Some are good, some are funny while some are stupid...

Have you ever seen stupendous yet weird creations???

Hereby I list some of the most weirdest creations... Have a look and decide yourself!

Cutest form of checking someone's eyesight

Many of us would have visited an opthalmologist / nearby spectacles shop for an eye check-up. The doctors typically use a chart of alphabets / numbers of varying sizes to check your eye sight.

But that's now passe... Here is a very innovative, creative and unique way of testing someone's eye-sight.

And I bet, this test would definitely draw you more & more patients!!!
:) :) :)

Eye Donation Urgently Needed Before January 16 (for Steve Bucknor)!!!

India 's 3rd Test against Australia begins at Perthon Jan 16, 2008.

Can someone find a pair of eyes for this "blind" man before the real match begins ???

SAZA-e-CAGEpemini : Winners of the BEST CUBICLE in Capgemini Mumbai

Now-a-days these big IT companies have started taking notice of employee welbeing and satisfaction seriously. No wonder that some of the big-shots in software industries like Capgemini, Infosys, TCS, and Wipro etc. have taken FUN AT WORK more seriously than ever...

Here are the snapshots of the BEST CUBICLE DECORATION contest conducted in Capgemini Mumbai in end-November.

GUYS & GALS... PLEASE SHARE YOUR COMMENTS...